


The right choice

by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)



Series: Tumblr prompts [36]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clary is a shitty friend, Fix-It of Sorts, Healing Magic, Hurt Simon, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Post-Episode: s01e13 Morning Star, Pre-Relationship, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 04:57:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10564077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiseYourVoice/pseuds/mckvch
Summary: Simon had chosen Clary over the Night Children because he had been convinced that it was the right choice. Because she had always been the right choice. His only choice. Simon realised how naive he had been but it was too late for this now. He had betrayed the ones he should have sided with, the ones he needed, and he was paying the price for it by being tortured. Aldertree wanted information about the clan and the hotel but so far Simon had managed to keep quiet and not reveal any of the little knowledge he actually had. How he managed to keep his mouth shut while the laser burnt deep marks into his flesh, he didn't know.The scent of burnt flesh was stuck in his nose hours after getting back to his room, his body heavy with exhaustion but unable to fall asleep due to the searing pain radiating off of every fresh burn embedded into his skin. He still didn't tell the others about it and did his best to hide the marks from them because he didn't want to cause any more trouble. Because that was probably what would happen if Clary found out about what was going on.





	

**Author's Note:**

> _Simon, after his betrayal 1x13, is living at the Institute but everyone treating him badly. They don't bring him blood, speak against him and give him dirty looks. Aldertree tortures him (like he deed with Raphael) for informations on the Hotel. He escapes and goes to the Clan and Raphael who despite everything help him, cure him and protect him. Only then Simon realizes his mistake. And when Clary asks him to choose between her and Raphael, he in front of every one chooses Raphael?_

Simon curled up in the bed in his pitch black room in the Institute, cradling is throbbing right arm to is chest and squeezing his eyes shut in a useless attempt to fall asleep. He was lucky that it was only his arm this time with the wounds healing very slowly due to his lack of feeding. The young vampire couldn't just walk around the Institute freely - at least he didn't dare to - and it wasn't like they willingly supplied him with blood. Clary often forgot about, clearly still not quite used to the fact that her best friend wasn't a mundane anymore.

Part of him excused Clary's lack of attention towards him with the fact that she had other things to deal with. Things like her mother just being back from her magical coma and her father being a murderous psychopath. They were more pressing matters than Simon's measly struggles against the all-consuming, dizzying thirst or the anxiety of leaving his room without any of his friends around. He couldn't even call anyone but Clary here his friend. Jace resumed to be just like the bullies back in high school, Izzy treated him like some kind of lapdog that was cute but not really to be taken seriously and Alec hated his sole presence anyway.

Simon heard what was being said behind his back; how other Shadowhunters complained about him residing in the Institute like he was some kind of welcome guest instead of a disgusting creature ready to kill them in their sleep. He felt the hateful and disgusted glances directed at him whenever he did leave his room, especially when it was connected to Clary organising him one of the blood bags from the infirmary. The other Shadowhunters talked about how he shouldn't be allowed to be here, how he shouldn't get the blood they needed for their wounded to feed on when it was more important to give it to the living.

Another part of him couldn't excuse Clary's ignorance anymore, though. The fact that she hadn't once questioned why Simon was called into Aldertree's office at least once a week wasn't nearly as painful as what the current head of the Institute did to him but it still stung on a whole different level. It was the emotional pain accompanying the physical one that was caused by Aldertree's interrogation methods. Said methods included Simon's bare skin, a laser and barely contained screams of anguish.

If he hadn't already regretted betraying the vampires when they had been discovered by Raphael and the others, right after freeing Camille, he sure as hell regretted it now. Simon realised he should have listened to the clan leader, that he shouldn't have dismissed the difference his turning and Clary's realisation of being a Shadowhunter made. He had been hell bent on pretending that nothing much had changed when, in fact, almost everything was different now. Simon saw it now, that he and his best friends had ended up on different sides, even if they didn't want to admit to it.

Simon had chosen Clary over the Night Children because he had been convinced that it was the right choice. Because she had always been the right choice. His only choice. Simon realised how naive he had been but it was too late for this now. He had betrayed the ones he should have sided with, the ones he needed, and he was paying the price for it by being tortured. Aldertree wanted information about the clan and the hotel but so far Simon had managed to keep quiet and not reveal any of the little knowledge he actually had. How he managed to keep his mouth shut while the laser burnt deep marks into his flesh, he didn't know.

The scent of burnt flesh was stuck in his nose hours after getting back to his room, his body heavy with exhaustion but unable to fall asleep due to the searing pain radiating off of every fresh burn embedded into his skin. He still didn't tell the others about it and did his best to hide the marks from them because he didn't want to cause any more trouble. Because that was probably what would happen if Clary found out about what was going on. Simon still partly wished for her to pay enough attention to him to realise something was wrong and to figure it out by herself but that didn't seem very likely to happen anytime soon.

* * *

Simon's view was blurry and his throat burned from the intensity of his thirst when he stumbled out of the Institute and into the stormy night. Aldertree had called him in once again, the torture even worse than any other time before, and he just couldn't take it anymore. Simon had to get out and away from this place and if it was the last thing he did. His face, chest and arms hurt from the laser burns and his body felt even weaker due to the lack of feeding in the past few days. He felt the thirst in each and every one of his nerve endings, the knowledge of being about to lose control over himself ever present on his fuzzed mind.

Simon had no idea where to go but he knew he couldn't stay in the Institute any longer, not if he wanted to survive but there was no other place to go. He couldn't go home in this state - hurt and on the brink of going mad with the burning desire to _feed_ \- but his feet ended up carrying him to the only other place he could have considered as home.

The Hotel Dumort towered above him like a dark, menacing presence when Simon finally stumbled up to it but his legs finally gave out a few steps away from the entrance, knees buckling and hitting the wet asphalt. He knew he shouldn't have gone back here but Simon had no idea where else to go. Even with the kill order placed on his head, this was surprisingly the only place that felt safe right now. The irony of the matter wasn't lost on him but he was too weak to actually care much about it.

He was on the verge of passing out - or maybe the thirst was just taking over - when he heard the still familiar sound of the door swinging open but Simon barely managed to open his eyes. His head felt too heavy to lift it and see who had noticed his pitiful presence, eyes cast down to the asphalt and watching the rain hit the puddle in front of him. Everything felt like it was slowing down and the distant sound of his name being called seemed like a dream, muffled and unclear.

Falling for forward, Simon passed out from exhaustion and the throbbing pain in his whole body, not even realising that his body never hit the pavement because he was already out cold.

* * *

"Don't move!" Was the first thing Simon heard when he came to, with his whole body feeling stiff and still painful but not as much as before. He frowned because the voice sounded oddly familiar but his senses were still muddled, making it hard to get a grasp of the situation. Simon distantly remembered leaving the Institute, badly injured after being tortured by Aldertree for information yet again - information he couldn't give and information that he had sworn to rather take to the grave than offer them to this maniac - but everything afterwards was a blur in his mind.

The words were repeated again when Simon tried to move, a pained groan slipping past his cracked lips and eyes unwilling to open.

"Even in such a state you are unable to stop moving," the voice sighed, annoyance seeping into it but there was also the distinct sound of worry somewhere between the words and it was weirdly soothing to get a sense of someone caring about him after the past weeks. Simon forced himself to stop moving and only then noticed the tingly warmth that seemed to envelop half of his body, accompanied by a painful sting that pulled at his marred skin as if it was being stitched together.

"There you go, just try to relax," the voice muttered and there was a harsh exhale from elsewhere in the room, telling Simon that there had to be at least two people with him right now. He tried to use his senses - hearing and smell - to figure out where he was and who he was with but everything was taken over by the pain and thirst, making it impossible for him to focus on anything properly.

It seemed to take forever until the stinging pain finally seemed to fade away, leaving only a comfortable tingling feeling instead. Simon wasn't sure if he had actually passed out again but now he slowly managed to pry his eyes open, eyelids heavy and trying to resist the movement. He spotted a blurry figure leaning over his body and a weird purplish blue mist seemed to hover between them and it took Simon longer than it should have to realise what was happening.

"Magnus?" His voice sounded croaky and it broke a little at the second syllable but he was sure it had to be the warlock because he could make out some glitter despite his fuzzy view. The person snorted softly and hummed in confirmation and Simon felt himself relax back into the soft pillows some more. It didn't matter where he was or why, Magnus being here surely meant he was safe.

"You gave us quite the scare, I have to admit," Magnus finally spoke and his fingertips gingerly skimmed the skin of Simon's chest, following the line of his neck up to his face before trailing back down and resuming their way past the vampire's shoulder and down his arm, causing him so shudder at the unexpected intimacy of the faint touch. "This is all I can do for now but you should be as good as new after getting some blood into you."

Simon blinked slowly and made a confused noise when Magnus carefully grabbed his arms and pulled him into a sitting position with surprising strength. He groaned softly but didn't protest against the uncomfortable movement, a sigh leaving his lips when his back met the pillow that had been propped up between him and the head of the bed. Simon muttered a weak "Thank you", fully aware of the fact that a simple thanks wasn't nearly enough to convey the gratitude he was feeling right now.

"I'm not the one you should be thanking," Magnus replied easily, his hand pointing towards the end of the bed and that was when Simon noticed the other person in the room. His eyes had adjusted a little and it was enough to recognise Raphael's dark eyes boring into his. The clan leader's expression was a blank mask and unreadable, eyes narrowed and glaring back at Simon coldly.

"Rapha," he croaked, quickly adding on the _el_ because he knew he had lost his right to address the older vampire with a nickname. Relieve and fear washed over him simultaneously - relieve to see Raphael again and fear of what would happen to him now. "You helped me?"

Raphael's jaw hardened when he grit his teeth but his expression seemed to soften the tiniest bit right after, shoulders dropping a slight bit.

"You passed out in front of the hotel," the clan leader replied with a shrug and Simon knew that Raphael wasn't as disinterested as he appeared to be. If he were, Simon would surely not be in a bed - in the hotel, he realised - with Magnus tending to his wounds but still out there in the storm until the sun came up to end his miserable existence. A tiny part might have actually hoped for the latter to happen but now that Simon was safe, he was more than relieved that he hadn't died.

He muttered a sheepish "Sorry" for lack of anything better to say and he noticed that his view had mostly cleared up by now but his mind still felt foggy, his insides twisting and throat burning with thirst but Simon couldn't bring himself to mention it and ask for some blood. They had already helped him enough and he couldn't expect more help.

"Here, you should drink," Magnus's voice distracted him from his thoughts, the delicious scent of blood filling Simon's senses when a glass of said red liquid appeared in his field of vision. The warlock's rings clinked against the glass when Simon curled his shaky fingers around it but Magnus didn't let go, clearly not trusting him with not making a mess and helping him raising the glass to his lips. Simon drank the whole glass with several greedy gulps, licking his lips and involuntarily whining low in his throat when the blood was empty way too soon.

"We have more, no worries," Magnus actually chuckled and refilled the glass from a blood bags that was placed with a few more on the bedside table.

The fledgeling drank four glasses before his thirst was finally sated and he sank back into the soft pillows with a content sigh. He could already feel some of the strength seep back into his body now that he had fed and it would help heal the rest of his injuries hopefully soon enough.

"Now that he's halfway back on his feet and my services are no longer needed, don't mind if I head back to tend to my actual, paying clients," Magnus announced after looking Simon over once more and got up from his position at the edge of the bed, straightening his clothes a little. "You should have told me about this, by the way."

Simon blinked up at the warlock, not having expected to be addressed again and his eyebrows drew together in a frown.

"I didn't think you would care," he replied honestly, his voice small and a little broken after the events of the night.

"Just because I'm mildly annoyed by your mere presence most of the time doesn't mean I would condone you being tortured," Magnus replied, shaking his head before he turned back to face the clan leader who had only watched the short exchange silently.

"You owe me for this, Santiago!"

"I already owe you more than I could ever repay but sure," Raphael agreed smoothly before their nodded at each other in a silent goodbye. Magnus easily conjured a portal in the middle of the room and was gone mere seconds later, leaving the two vampires behind in awkward silence.

"Thank you," Simon muttered when he finally found his voice again, his nerves kicking in despite the heavy exhaustion, "for all of this. For helping me. I sure as hell don't deserve it."

The clan leader almost glared at him and Simon wasn't too sure what he had said wrong once again but he was so used to being at the receiving end of this expression that it didn't faze him too much.

"Was this the first time it happened?"

Simon had stared at the blanket covering his body but he glanced back up at Raphael in confusion, only realising what the other was referring to a moment later. He was tempted to ask what it mattered because it surely made no difference but it was probably better to just get to the answer right away.

"No."

"So you stayed in the Institute and endured this _treatment_ the whole time?" Raphael questioned and his voice was sharp enough that Simon expected it to slice into his skin.

"Seems like it." He had no idea what the meaning behind this interrogation was but Simon was too tired to question it out loud. "It's not like I didn't deserve it, I guess."

Raphael was at the side of the bed in a split second, towering over Simon with a dark expression on his admittedly pretty face. Simon blamed it on the traumatic events of the night that he started wondering how Raphael could be partly demonic when he actually looked like an angel.

" _Nobody_ deserves this!" Raphael's gaze was so intense that it left no room for Simon to protest. He only exhaled a soft "Oh?" and sank a little further into the mattress and pillows while staring up at the clan leader. It was impossible to keep his eyes open for much longer but he still uttered another "Thank you" while his eyes drooped and finally fell close on their own accord.

* * *

Simon woke up to Raphael asleep in an armchair at the other side of the room and the sun already up outside and quickly succumbed to sleep again.

When he woke up the next time, well rested and feeling almost as good as new, he expected to be told to leave the hotel but he was offered a glass of blood and was visited by Lily soon after. Simon had expected to be insulted and attacked but Lily actually hugged him which felt incredibly nice and even managed to make the fledgeling tear up a little. He hadn't realised how much he missed being here, being surrounded by the clan members.

Simon had been convinced he would never be able to see the Dumort as his home but it was now after being kicked out and ending up back here, lost and hurt, that he realised how much bigger his mistake to betray the clan had been. He hadn't only risked the lives of people who had taken him in and helped him, he had also risked losing what could have been his new home. But he had chosen to side with Clary instead because she had always been his choice - the only choice. Simon hated himself for realising way too late that there had been a second choice this time, one that probably wouldn't have caused this much pain for anyone.

His steps felt weighed down when Simon finally made his way through the lobby of the hotel to leave and everything in him screamed to turn back, maybe drop to his knees and _beg_ the others to forgive him, ask Raphael for a second chance. Before he could actually decide to do just that, throwing all his remaining dignity out the window, the doors suddenly slammed open and none other than Clary stomped into the hotel, Isabelle by her side and seraph blade drawn.

"Where is--" Her voice faltered and stopped altogether when she spotted Simon, releasing a sigh of relieve. Clary put away the blade and basically run up to Simon, throwing her arms around him in a slightly too tight hug. He actually found it hard to return the gesture, patting his best friend's lower back a little awkwardly.

"You were gone when we came back from the mission and nobody knew where you went. Magnus mentioned you being here," she exclaimed, a little out of breath as if she had run all the way here and Simon couldn't help but feel slightly bad for causing her to worry.

"Nephilim, you are not welcome here and how dare you trespass into our home _once again_?!" Raphael's voice boomed through the lobby, his face pulled into a snarl and sharp incisors on display to show just how unwelcome the two young women were here.

"Oh, shut up! We didn't intend to stay, don't worry. We just wanted to get Simon and leave," Izzy bit back with annoyance, glaring back at the clan leader before looking at Clary and nodding towards the door in a silent prompt.

"Let's go, Simon," the redhead said and reached for Simon's hand. He wasn't even aware of moving but Simon felt himself tense up and draw his hand back, out of reach for his best friend.

"No."

"What do you mean _no_?" The confusion was clear in his best friend's eyes and Simon almost felt sorry for what he was about to say but he also knew it was the right thing to do. He wouldn't make the wrong choice a second time.

"I'm not leaving. At least not with you," he explained softly but straightened his shoulders to convey his sincerity, "I'm not going back to the Institute. I don't belong there. We're both part of this world now but I don't belong where you belong."

"Simon, what does that mean? Come on, let's head back and talk about whatever this is about, okay?"

Simon could almost feel the desperation radiating off of Clary but he still shook his head, determined to stand his ground for once and stop following his best friend around like a lost puppy.

"If there's a place where I belong, it's here. It has taken me too long to realise that and I know I have no right to ask for this but," Simon paused and turned around, finding Raphael's gaze easily and facing the clan leader with determination in his eyes, "I'm not asking for forgiveness because I know the answer would be no but I'm asking for a chance to prove my loyalty and regain your trust."

Surprised flashed over Raphael's features but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared but Simon was pretty sure the corner of the other's mouth twitched the tiniest bit as if he had to hold back a smirk. "Are you sure?"

"I am. I want to make it right by you, by the whole clan. I know I fucked up big time but...I want to try and make it up to you." Simon nodded without breaking eye contact with Raphael, a tiny bit of hope blooming in his chest at the almost pleased glint in the clan leaders dark eyes.

"Very well," Raphael agreed and Simon knew this didn't mean he was even close to being forgiven but he was offered a chance at redemption and he would try his best to be deserving of this second chance. He still felt kind of sorry for going against Clary like this but there was no real guilt pooling in his stomach when he watched her leave without him this time.


End file.
